Chapter One
Dear Diary,
Today started out as an ordinary day. When we woke up this morning, mom and dad told me that we would be going to the beach together. I asked if we should be worried about the rumors that a new species of snake was turning people into zombies, and they told me that I shouldn’t worry at all. We headed to the beach.
Things were going pretty well. Dad let me bury him into the sand, and we both laughed really hard when I gave him big, sandy boobs. I laughed even harder when a snake suddenly slithered up and crawled right into his mouth. His last words were “Mfffftttt!!”
The sound was funny, so I kept laughing but just then my mom grabbed me and we dove into the ocean, which should have been pretty hard to do since we were alongside a beach where the water is the most shallow, but whatever.
Fortunately, my mom is a fast swimmer, and we both could hold our breath for a long time, so we swam down to where there was a cave. The other people who had been on the beach had all turned into zombies and chased us at first. Mom started to build a bunker underground. First, she built a fully stocked bedroom with a place to sleep, a TV, and a walk-in closet. Then she planted seeds, watered them using an underground irrigation system that she designed. Soon, the seeds grew into plants, and we ate lots of vegetables and I grew into a twenty year old man with a beer gut. Now I’m big enough to help mom expand on our underground bunker, but strangely enough she’s still wearing her swimsuit.
